18-03-2020  (460 lectures) Categoria: Psique

Stop being infatuated with someone who doesn’t love you back

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Falling in love with someone you can’t have can seriously affect your self-esteem and self-confidence. You feel unhappy, dissatisfied with yourself, and even depressed. Obviously, you should get rid of these feelings as soon as possible. We are going to tell you what to do in order to get over your unrequited love and start living a new life without the object of your passion.

Bright Side collected some pieces of advice that will help you forget about your pain after a love failure.

1. Accept the fact that this person doesn’t need you.

If one day you think that your beloved one loves you back but on another day they disappear for a week, it means that there’s definitely no love there. Try to look at your love from a different perspective. Does it look like a classic romance? If you can admit that your beloved one doesn’t love you back, you are on the right path.

Next time you want to meet this person or call them, just think about how they usually feel about you. When you show how much you care about them, all they feel toward you is condescension. Do you want to be a slave crawling around your master’s feet? It’s better to do something more pleasant.

2. Distract your attention.

Out of sight, out of mind. This should be your motto if you want to get over your unrequited love. Stay as far away as possible from your beloved one. If you can, the best option for you would be to go on a long trip where you won’t be able to connect to the internet (stop checking all their social media accounts!).

If you can’t avoid meeting this person completely, try to keep your thoughts far away from them. Even if the person you love is in the same room as you, it doesn’t mean that you should always think of them. Turn the stream of your thoughts to another direction. Think of your personal dreams and desires, not of the happiness in your relationships.

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3. Find a person with the same problems.

You are not the only person who has relationship problems. Many people have experienced the pain of unrequited love, and they got past it. Tell your close ones about your feelings. Ask them how they survived it and what they did to release the pain. Sometimes all you need is to hear simple words like, “How well I understand you.”

But don’t make the common mistake of starting to get pleasure from dwelling on this topic. Otherwise, you will constantly think of one person and won’t forget them at all. You need only a couple of good talks to feel better.

If you don’t feel like talking to anybody about your personal issues, turn to the arts. The theme of unrequited love is extremely popular, and it’s easy to find lots of books and films that will help you to get over someone.

4. Take care of yourself.

When you are absorbed in your dark thoughts, you usually start neglecting yourself. Even if you feel nothing but pain, even if you can’t do anything, take care of your appearance and health. Take a warm bubble bath with salts. Make a cup of tasty herbal tea, and drink it with pleasure. Go shopping, and buy new clothes. Change your hairstyle.

Don’t think about starting to smoke (or don’t smoke more than you usually do) or drink. Don’t make rash decisions or actions, especially if they are dangerous to your health or life. You may want to occupy yourself with self-destroying and hope that your beloved one will see and understand your pain — but they won’t. And you will get only damaged nerves.

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5. Do a workout.

There are many ways to restore your emotional balance. The most effective of them is physical exercises. They can help you to get rid of your negativity. Start jogging every morning or go to fitness classes. Go to the gym or to a swimming pool. Learn how to ride a horse — you will definitely get a lot of positive emotions from communication with animals.

If you want to combine sports and arts, start dancing. Turn up your favorite songs, and dance for as long as you are able to move. Go to a dance studio, and learn how to dance the tango or rumba. You will have fun and get in shape at the same time.

6. Leave this dream behind you.

There’s a good Indian proverb: If your horse is dead, dismount. Don’t indulge yourself with hopeless dreams. There isn’t anything more destroying than waiting for someone to love you back. If you see that someone doesn’t pay enough attention to you, don’t try to justify them. They are not too embarrassed to show their love; they just don’t feel it.

If a person doesn’t love you back, they can find a thousand excuses not to spend time with you. Just imagine yourself in the following situation: if you don’t want to go to a party or a date, how do you usually act?

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7. Don’t get angry.

Love failures are a part of life. If something goes contrary to your plans, you shouldn’t start hating yourself or all the representatives of the opposite sex. Believe that you will see your own happy ending. And don’t wish bad luck on your beloved one — they don’t have to make sacrifices for your happiness.

Put yourself in this person’s shoes: are you ready to live your whole life with someone you feel only pity for? It’s better to think of all the good memories you had together and go on with a smile on your face.

Bonus

Think like a philosopher. Create a personal motto, and always remember it when you feel depressed. This short phrase should restore your inner peace and make you believe in a better future. King Solomon had a ring with the phrase “This too shall pass” inscribed on it. Remember these words, and your life will be easier.

Do you have your own pieces of advice on how to deal with unrequited love? Share your experience in the comments!


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5 Considerations for Relationships with a Big Age Difference

younger woman with older manA middle-aged man dating a much younger woman has long been thought of in American culture as a classic sign of midlife crisis. In some circles, dating a younger woman is a status symbol. Men aren’t the only ones who date younger people, though, and the archetype of the “cougar”—an older woman dating a younger man—is rapidly becoming a part of the public consciousness. Same-sex couples sometimes feature a significant age gap as well.

Although comedians joke about these relationships, a significant age difference doesn’t make a relationship any less real or meaningful, though it may create some challenges that don’t exist when romantic partners are close in age. Navigating the social ramifications of your relationship while struggling with generation gaps can be tough, but a significant age difference can give you the chance to consider new perspectives and appreciate the offerings of a different generation.

Know When the Difference Is Too Large

Love can be fickle, and we don’t always fall for the right people. Sometimes a significant age gap makes a relationship impossible. No matter how real your feelings are, getting involved with someone under the age of 18 can lead to serious legal trouble.

Even if you’re legally in the clear, a large age difference can undermine the long-term viability of your relationship. If you want to have children, you’ll have to consider whether fertility will be an issue and whether you or your partner will be around long enough to help raise your kids. Age differences can also mean significant differences in lifestyle. If you have an established career but your partner is still living with his or her parents, you could be in for a rocky ride.

Understand Your Reasons

Before you begin a relationship with someone much younger or older than you, it’s important to make a careful assessment of your motivations. Love knows no age, but if you date only people who are members of a different generation, it might reveal something about your approach to relationships. While people who date only people much younger or older than them owe no one an explanation, it may be helpful to consider underlying reasoning. Some who date only much older people may be seeking a parental figure more than a romantic partner. They may be insecure about finances and thus want to be with someone established in his or her career. If you have a history of dating people who are significantly younger than you, maybe you like feeling like your partner admires your experience, or perhaps you’re just not physically attracted to other people your age. A significant age difference doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong, but a long-standing pattern is always worth examining.

Be Prepared to Handle Generational Differences

No matter how understanding you are, it’s likely that you’re going to bump up against some generational differences. You might have different political views, find each other’s music obnoxious, or have no understanding of historical events that profoundly influenced your partner’s life. Bridge this difference by probing deeper and making a concerted effort to understand your partner’s viewpoint. A big age difference provides you with valuable opportunities to learn about alternative perspectives and experiences.

Know How to Handle Criticism

The odds are good that some people are going to disagree with your choices in romantic partners, no matter how perfect your relationship is. With close friends and family, this may mean making an effort to explain why you’re in love with the person and not with his or her age. But be prepared for snide, inconsiderate remarks. Getting into constant arguments about your partner’s age is no way to live, so plan a simple—and ideally polite—response that shuts down further discussions of your partner’s age.

Don’t Harp on Age Differences

Although age differences can create some challenges in your relationship, focusing too much on age can backfire. While you need to be understanding of generational differences, attributing every disagreement to your partner’s age can leave you both feeling self-conscious and misunderstood. If you frequently tell your partner his or her age doesn’t matter, your partner might end up feeling like age is a significant issue, or even that you’re in the relationship specifically because of the age difference. Don’t let age dominate your relationship, and address it only when it is truly relevant.

References:

  1. Age differences: Does it really mater anymore? (n.d.). EHarmony Advice RSS. Retrieved from http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/age-differences-does-it-really-matter-anymore/
  1. Jensen, H. (n.d.). 8 tips to handle a major age difference in a relationship. AllWomensTalk.com. Retrieved from http://love.allwomenstalk.com/tips-to-handle-a-major-age-difference-in-a-relationship
  1. Singleton, D. (n.d.). Ask Dave-Dating with a big age gap. Match.com. Retrieved from http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12587/

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